A word in your ear...

Let's admit. There are words that irk people. Even the word irk. But recently i was asked the simple question of what my least favorite word is. I realized i couldn't come up with an honest answer there on the spot. So i told the man who had asked me that i need a while to think about it...

...and i thought...

The single word in the entirety of language that i hate the most, more than anything on this planet is...


Roasted.

That is all.

On the subject of excrement...

This might sound wrong but...

I'm proud of my poop. I mean not like a father is proud of a child. But just the idea that the human body can create something so odd. It's just something you can take a step back, admire, and then never see again.

Today was just such an occasion.

Today I'm taking the Browns to the Super Bowl ( I know, that's like, grade-school funny) and i get up to do some paper work ( getting a bit funnier)...

*as a side note, for some reason i stand up and lean over to do so, i find it to be most comfortable. The only time it's awkward is when i'm in a public toilet, cuz i always think people are looking through the cracks, to a big guy standing up with his dick out, wiping his shitty ass... but i digress*

...I peer into the porcelain wonder-pot and i see a monster. It was a beast of a mud-baby. And I'm not talking about the mythical triple-coiler. This didn't coil at all. It was as straight as an arrow, and as long as a rolling pin. It segmented the bowl like it was separating the shit-water into two rival gangs.
This thing looked like, if Shaq had a child with Mr. Hankey...

...and i was the surrogate mother...

...i named it Magumphrey...

...right now it's making all the other poop in the sewer his bitch...

...and i couldn't be happier.