This might sound wrong but...
I'm proud of my poop. I mean not like a father is proud of a child. But just the idea that the human body can create something so odd. It's just something you can take a step back, admire, and then never see again.
Today was just such an occasion.
Today I'm taking the Browns to the Super Bowl ( I know, that's like, grade-school funny) and i get up to do some paper work ( getting a bit funnier)...
*as a side note, for some reason i stand up and lean over to do so, i find it to be most comfortable. The only time it's awkward is when i'm in a public toilet, cuz i always think people are looking through the cracks, to a big guy standing up with his dick out, wiping his shitty ass... but i digress*
...I peer into the porcelain wonder-pot and i see a monster. It was a beast of a mud-baby. And I'm not talking about the mythical triple-coiler. This didn't coil at all. It was as straight as an arrow, and as long as a rolling pin. It segmented the bowl like it was separating the shit-water into two rival gangs.
This thing looked like, if Shaq had a child with Mr. Hankey...
...and i was the surrogate mother...
...i named it Magumphrey...
...right now it's making all the other poop in the sewer his bitch...
...and i couldn't be happier.
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